by Jo-Ann Van Reeuwyk with Becca Brasser, Shanna Pargellis, Frency Frans, Livy Fusta, Emily Terpstra, and Glenda Hicks

“The quality of human life on our planet is nothing more than the sum total of our daily interactions with one another”  (Tutu 4).

Observing Forgiveness Routines

As we listened and asked questions at the schools we visited, what emerged as a practice that seems integral in providing Sacred Space Pedagogy is what Mustard Seed has termed “forgiveness routines.” We discovered elements of these types of routines in many of the schools. While several of the teachers had some vocabulary to describe these, Becca Brasser and Shanna Pargellis articulated it this way:

To see mistakes as opportunities for learning is a skill that teachers at Mustard Seed try to model and to encourage children to develop. Mistakes in relationships, mistakes in artwork, mistakes in writing—all of these can be seen as opportunities for growth and forward movement, rather than proof of failure.

To be able to acknowledge and forgive mistakes is an essential skill for members of any community and one that children and teachers at Mustard Seed practice throughout the year. Children of all ages can be observed making apologies, forgiving, and making amends for mistakes that are made. Teachers also participate in this routine and serve as the model for children to follow as broken relationships (between teachers, as well as between teachers and children) are mended and problems are resolved.

Teaching Forgiveness Routines

Beginning at the preschool level, students are taught how to say they are sorry and how to forgive. The offender needs to take responsibility for the offense, and we find there are key parts to the apology that we can teach at this age. First of all, the offender needs to say the name of the student who was hurt and look them in the eye. This acknowledges the humanity of the child and our connection to each other as members of a community. Next, the offender says that he or she is sorry and states clearly the offense. This shows a willingness to admit to the negative behavior and to having done wrong. Truth is told, and the offender is fully aware of the offense. Then comes the request: ‘Will you forgive me?’

At this point, the offended student has the power to say yes or no. We encourage students to respond with, ‘I forgive you,’ not ‘It’s OK.’ The offense was not OK even though grace is being granted. Saying ‘I forgive you’ helps us all understand the importance of that reality and that it means it is over; this will not be revisited or carried by the offended as a grudge. Anger is released and both students are freed to move on.

In practically every situation, forgiveness is granted. When it is not, this may indicate that the apology was made while there is still too much anger; or this may suggest there have been too many offenses, causing the offended student to become weary of forgiving. Teachers recognize these situations and work through them. The goal is always to work toward a restoration of the relationship before the end of the day. Restitution may need to be involved. Also, forgiveness does not rule out consequences, but it does deal with the crux of the problem.

The acknowledgment that all of the members of the community, adults and children alike, are broken, are in need of healing, and are ultimately redeemed by the saving grace of God permeates every decision that is made and every problem that needs to be resolved.

Conflict Resolution in the Classroom

Archbishop Desmond Tutu has dedicated his life to the process of forgiveness and reconciliation. He describes the powerful impact of forgiveness in this way: “Each time we help and each time we harm, we have a dramatic impact on our world. Because we are human, some of our interactions will go wrong, and then we will hurt or be hurt or both. It is the nature of being human, and it is unavoidable. Forgiveness is the way we set those interactions right. It is the way we mend tears in the social fabric. It is the way we stop our human community from unraveling” (Tutu 4).

Daystar

In a round table discussion at Daystar, teachers and administrators were able to give several examples of conflict resolutions in their classrooms. Emily Terpstra encourages her students to step away from the problem—you can’t ask to move to another seat. Work through it. Step away and come back. Glenda Hicks asks them: Have you used your words to tell this person what the problem is? How are you going to work together? She considers it unconditional love even when you mess up.

SPH Schools, Jakarta

Frency Frans who teaches kindergarten for the SPH schools in Jakarta speaks poignantly about her role in this process of forgiveness:

As Christian educators, we need to be ‘restorers of communities where all can thrive’ (Smith 79). Therefore, in order to promote shalom, we need to remember the main purpose of shalom is for human flourishing, living together, and loving each other in a social relationship. In this regard, I always teach my students to practice using knowledge wisely in loving service of others, which unites all the virtues with wisdom as the group base that connects everyone as a community. How shalom can be implemented in this broken world is through forgiveness. As a teacher, I often see conflict among my students, whether it is in the classroom or during play time. The thing that I usually do to counter this problem is to call them and to try to speak with them nicely to understand the problem. At the end, I always have my students ask this question: ‘Will you forgive me?’ and then we pray together. This activity helps us to remember that God has forgiven us first, therefore, we also need to forgive others. If I find myself making a mistake or saying something that is hurtful to them, I will humble myself to ask for forgiveness from my students.

Of course, forgiveness routines are part of a much larger package. Frans goes on to say: We always start our unit about community at the beginning of the school year, to welcome all students as our new community and to set our new routines. We make our classroom agreement together, so they will have the sense of being a part of our school community. We build relationships through some class activities, such as role play of different communities, stories about community, and games to help them adjust well in class.

Her compatriot teacher in Jakarta, Livy Fusta, agrees: The way I teach has been influenced by the values and beliefs that I have. To make learning possible for them, I use concrete objects to teach the abstract. . . . There are certain phrases I repeat, such as ‘first things first,’ ‘do and say the right thing,’ and ‘take turns’ to make these part of their habits and attitudes. I also like to give the students responsibility as a way to empower them. I try to do what I teach. If I teach respect, I try to show respect.

Mustard Seed

As Brasser from Mustard Seed shares, As a teacher, I have to be prepared for all possible situations. That doesn’t necessarily mean having infinite amounts of materials ready for any project that comes our way in the course of a day. It does mean that I need to cultivate an attitude of thinking flexibly, an ability to anticipate my childrens’ needs (socially, emotionally, spiritually, academically) and a willingness to let go of my own plans in order to make way for the needs, hopes, and dreams of my students. I also need to prepare a physical space [that] is simple, uncluttered, and organized. . . . So often classrooms are visually overstimulating—and weigh children down instead of giving them freedom to pursue their own learning journeys.

Tools for Reconciliation

Earlier in our description of Sacred Space Pedagogy we stated that tools support our interactions and help us make sense of our daily routines. In one classroom we visited, students are invited to go to the Peace Table for resolution. When outdoors, they are asked to use Peace Table words on the playground. Another classroom uses a “talking stick” as a tool. The student holding the stick is the one who has permission to speak. The other student listens. One teacher and her students celebrate the accomplishment of a resolution by squeezing the “bluebird of happiness,” making it “squawk.” All students stop and clap, celebrating a problem solved.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu advises us to carry a stone in our dominant hand for twenty-four hours. We find out quickly how the stone weighs us down and prevents us from living fully. He likens this to the inability or unwillingness to forgive. It seems that the forgiveness routines teachers are instilling in their students in these schools are powerful and life changing, lending to a strong community of flourishing, and to a robust Sacred Space Pedagogy. 

Works Cited

Smith, David I., and Susan M. Felch. Teaching and the Christian Imagination. Eerdmans, 2016. Print.

Tutu, Desmond, and Mpho Tutu. The Book of Forgiving. HarperCollins, 2014. Print.