We at the Christian Educators Journal have a great appreciation for substitute teachers. We realize that being a substitute teacher is often a thankless job with few rewards. Acknowledging this, the CEJ is excited to offer STEW to any and all substitute teachers hungry for resources that will help them succeed in their next sub placement.

Here are just a few of the topics that will be covered in our STEW:

Making the most of any lesson plan: While the best teachers to sub for are the ones who leave you with a test to give or a video to show for the hour, you cannot count on this level of generosity from all teachers. Some will expect you to teach. And we want you to be prepared! In this segment, we will teach you how to turn a question around when you don’t know the answer: “That’s a great question, Carl. What do the rest of you think about the trend toward socioeconomic stratification in the rural areas of Norway?” We’ll also suggest fun activities to fill the last ten minutes of class when the plan runs short including “Where’s the class pet?” “If you can sit quietly, I’ll give you all gum,” and “Top ten prank ideas for you little monsters to consider for when your teacher comes back.”

Finding your place in the staff room: Any substitute teacher will tell you that lunch can be one of the most stressful times of the day. After all, the staff lunchroom bears an uncanny resemblance to the students’ own cafeteria, only this time you are the one who feels left out. This segment will give you the talking points to help you fit in with the jocks (“Can you believe the call that ref made last night?!”), fans of The Bachelor or any current reality TV show (“Can you believe he/she overlooked/voted out him/her?!”), and with those interested in current events (“Can you believe . . .” On second thought, if you find yourself in the midst of a political discussion, spill your lunch in your lap; this will give you a reason to leave before you upset anyone you may have to sub for next week). Never feel out of place in the lunchroom again!

Navigating technology: Do you feel intimidated by all the fancy new technologies they have in school these days? It’s always Smart this and Apple that and Kahoot, and Peardeck, and Floozle, and who knows what else. Wouldn’t it be nice if you didn’t have to worry about the students finding out what a technological novice you are? We’ll tell you how to construct a small electromagnetic pulse device from components available at your local Aldi store. Turn this puppy on and every screen in the school will go dark; then you can entertain students with stories about your high school sports career until the end of the school day. As a backup, we’ll also teach you how to determine which student is most likely to be able to hack into and override any of the school’s systems. He/she will help you solve all your technology problems in exchange for five minutes alone at a staff computer.