As many school principals can attest, much wisdom can be found in drawing on the expertise of an entire school team when it comes to better supporting our students, especially those who exhibit challenging behaviors. When we put our heads together and discuss plans that could work, we share past experiences, training, or helpful books. This often sheds light exactly where it’s needed. Such a conversation took place for me some months ago when I chatted with our school counselor about a certain student. Our counselor mentioned an author, Dr. Ross Greene, whose books had impacted her work with children in significant ways.

As a result, I am currently reading Lost at School and have come to appreciate the approach Greene advocates: solving problems collaboratively with the students themselves. His work is based on his years of experience as a child psychologist and parent. His presence on YouTube gives you a sense of his approach to this work, and one statement he made resonated with me immediately: in speaking to a workshop audience he once said, “Our own children turned out fairly well adjusted and healthy. Do you know what that makes me? Lucky!”

His emphasis is based on the core belief that kids will do well when they can. He holds this statement over against the more popular assumption that kids will do well if they want to. His contention is that no child is purposefully exhibiting challenging behavior. Rather, the behavior results from a lack of skills in the face of an unsolved problem.

Greene writes, “What’s the most important role an adult can play in the life of such a kid? First, assume he’s already motivated, already knows right from wrong, and has already been punished enough. Then, figure out what skills he’s lacking so you have the clearest possible understanding of what’s getting in his way” (11).

The book contains many realistic scenarios as examples of adults implementing his approach, including samples of conversations that aren’t productive or effective. Aside from the resource of the book itself, many supporting documents are available through his website, LivesintheBalance .org. He is also not selling a quick fix. He acknowledges that this is hard work and that results will come slowly.

I would not characterize his approach as an explicitly faith-based one, so some administrators or teachers in faith-based schools may dismiss this method out of hand. It does, however, come from a standpoint of deep respect for students, and that resonates with me. Collaborating with the student is always the goal, and this emphasis on personal responsibility and collaborative coaching rings as authentic to me. I believe Greene’s insights and methods will assist me in using more mainstream discipline methods to come alongside some students whose behaviors have not diminished. And it may also bring a sense of hope and optimism to parents who work daily with these young people.

I recommend this title to all who seek to support the kids in our care who would do well if they could. 

John Sawatzky is the elementary (K–6) campus principal at Calvin Christian School in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada.